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What you don't see!

I'm not in the best of moods today. I haven't been in weeks. Having to wonder what happens after every minute is quite a lot of work. Having to look out the window every beautiful evening, wishing away the chance I had to be a step better. Longing every minute than before to be the picture I see in my heart, the picture of the woman who has conquered her fears and has lived potential to the fullest.
Today, I am like you. I feel the same way you feel the other day when you couldn't solve a math equation in class. I feel exactly the same way you felt when your legs trembled and your heart skipped. The feeling of incapability mixed with low self-esteem.
I saw you walk a thirty minute journey alone to your house, weeping. I felt your walls of defense crumbling down and now your little pride is melting under the stringent watch of the hot afternoon sun. I see the pain in your wincing face and I hear the deep groans. It's okay, let it all out.
I know you felt capable yesterday. I know you slept off chanting "BODMAS". However you walked into class the next day and everything you held tightly vanished into thin air and all you knew was all you didn't know. I saw your stomach lurch and soon your legs couldn't carry you anymore. I saw your eyes going to and fro looking for the only eye that wasn't starring in the crowd of eyes. Even the ones that weren't starring looked contempt! I saw shame seeping through you while you dropped the white chalk in front of the chalk board and walked away. I knew something had died inside of you.
I would have loved to remind you that you remembered the first three letters but that wouldn't mean anything now since the class murmured and chuckled. Would you feel better if I told you that you were exceptional in the English tests?! Would it change a thing or two if I told you that you think creatively? I'm pretty sure that would light a bulb in your heart.
Let me tell you a few other things I see. You couldn't remember the complete words "BODMAS" but you remembered to spell all the words correctly in the English tests. You didn't fail to say hello to nature while walking to school. You didn't forget to smile every minute. You remembered to tell the class about your vacation in perfect English articulation. You didn't forget to be human most of all. And that makes you beautiful. If your heart isn't big enough for "BODMAS" then I guess it shouldn't be bigger than this. It's just beautiful the way it is.
Someday you'll realize that what's meant to be for you will come running after you. Dream and glow!
Cataleabonez

Comments

  1. Yes! Despite the fears and all she was still better in other aspects which is also great too. This are challenges people go through. Nice work dear. It helped

    ReplyDelete
  2. In a day when I am at my lowest, this is the first good read that has happened to me.

    ReplyDelete

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